So you matched with someone. Congratulations!! So what do you say?
Starting a conversation on a dating app can be nerve-wracking. You want to make a great first impression. But you don’t want to get ghosted. Or worse, come off as a chump.
The first message is your chance to grab someone’s attention and spark a connection. But how do you craft that perfect opener? Here’s a deep dive into what you can say (and what you definitely shouldn’t) in your first message, with plenty of examples, tips, and tricks to make sure you get it right.
Table of Contents
1. Start with a Simple Greeting
Let’s say you walk into a party and see someone you like. And you decide to make the move. You can’t just jump into a random topic or start asking personal questions right away, right? Unless you’re wearing a suit and have the confidence of Barney Stinson.
So, what do you do? A safe option, one that almost always works… Say Hello.
It might seem basic or dull, but it gets the job done. A simple greeting shows that you’re polite, approachable, and interested in starting a chat. It’s also a way to ease into the conversation without overwhelming the other person right off the bat.
A “Hi,” “Hello,” or “Hey, [insert name]” are classic ways to start. They’re short, sweet, and to the point. Addressing the person by their name, if it’s available, adds a personal touch. People generally respond better when they feel like they’re being spoken to directly.
Want to take it up a notch? Try sending a voice note.
Examples:
- “Hey, Sarah! How’s it going?”
- “Hi, John! I hope you’re having a good day.”
- “Hello, Emily! What’s up?”
Tips and Tricks:
- Keep it simple, silly: Don’t over complicate your greeting. Stick to the basics.
- Use their name: It adds a nice personal touch.
- Don’t overthink it: Just be yourself and say Hello.
For Him: Your friends might say things like, “You need to come up with something clever or funny or you’re gonna get ghosted”. Don’t listen to them. A simple “Hi” works just as well. Don’t feel pressured to be witty right away. There’s always going to be time for that later.
For Her: You don’t have to wait for him to make the first move. Just cause he hasn’t made a move yet, doesn’t mean you can’t be the one to start the conversation. Maybe he is just a bit of a wuss.
But let me tell you a little secret. Wusses are cute. Damn cute. And 9 out of 10 times, they are the ones who are most interesting, and with the best stories out there. They’re definitely the ones worth keeping, and quite honestly very hard to find.
2. Reference Something from Their Profile
Let’s say you don’t want to say a simple hello. And you definitely don’t want to go the “Hello, is it me you’re looking for…” vibe. What other options do you have?
A really good way to make your first message stand out is by referencing something specific from their profile. This could be anything — a number plate on a bicycle, a random mountain in the background, a photobombing dog, or even the tiles of the bathroom they took their picture in.
By doing this, you’re showing that you’ve taken the time to actually go through their profile and that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. It’s a small detail, but it can make a big difference.
Why Does It Matter: Let’s go back to our part example. And let’s say someone approaches you. They notice something unique about you, like your favorite band on your t-shirt or a book you’re holding, and compliment you on it.
That small observation is sure to bring a sparkle in your eyes and you’ll instantly start talking about it. That too in great detail. Because someone noticed you and took interest in you. And just like that, you’re no longer strangers.
That, my dear friend, is the power of a compliment. And the same goes for online dating. Mentioning something from their profile is a surefire way to grab their attention.
Examples:
- “I noticed you’re a fan of rock climbing—that’s awesome! How did you get into it?”
- “Your dog is adorable! What’s his name?”
- “You’ve been to Japan!! Are you also an anime fan?!”
Tips and Tricks:
- Be specific: The more specific your reference, the better. It shows that you’re paying attention.
- Avoid generic compliments: While saying “You have a nice smile” is okay, it doesn’t stand out as much as mentioning something unique.
- Keep it light: Don’t dive too deep into serious topics right away. Stick to light and fun observations.
For Him: You don’t need to try to impress right away. Just be genuine about your thoughts and expressions. Reference something you both enjoy. And if you’re in a bit of a doubt, ask instead of making an assumption. Answering a question is far more positive than clarifying an assumption.
For Her: Most men will adorn their favorite band/comic/superhero on their tees. You know the saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Well, just look at what he’s wearing, and there you go.
3. Ask an Easy-Going Question
Hook: Picture this: You’re chatting with someone at a coffee shop, and the conversation is flowing smoothly. Why? Because they’re asking you easy, open-ended questions that keep you engaged. The same principle works in online dating. Asking a question in your first message can be the perfect way to keep the conversation going.
Explanation: Questions are a great way to get someone talking. They invite the other person to share something about themselves, which keeps the conversation interesting and gives you more to talk about. When you ask an easy-going, open-ended question, you’re not only showing that you’re interested, but you’re also giving them an easy way to respond.
For example, instead of asking something that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” go for something that requires a bit more thought. Questions like “What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?” or “Seen any good movies lately?” are great because they’re light, fun, and give the other person plenty of room to respond.
Examples:
- “What’s your go-to comfort food?”
- “If you could travel anywhere right now, where would it be?”
- “What’s the last book you read that you couldn’t put down?”
Tips and Tricks:
- Keep it light: Your first question should be easy to answer and not too personal. Save deeper questions for later.
- Make it open-ended: Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” This keeps the conversation going.
- Be curious: Show genuine interest in their answer. This will make the conversation more engaging for both of you.
Dos and Don’ts:
- Do: Ask questions that are fun and easy to answer. This encourages the other person to share more about themselves.
- Don’t: Ask overly personal or invasive questions in the first message. Keep it casual and respectful.
Versus Approach:
- For Him: Guys often feel like they need to impress right away, but asking a simple question can be just as effective. It shows that you’re interested in getting to know her without coming on too strong.
- For Her: Women can use this technique to steer the conversation in a direction that interests them. Asking a question about something you’re curious about can make the conversation more enjoyable for both of you.
Wrap-Up: Asking an easy-going question is a great way to keep the conversation moving. It shows that you’re interested and gives the other person a chance to share more about themselves. Plus, it makes the conversation feel more natural and less like an interview.
4. Keep It Short but Engaging
Hook: Imagine you’re readin
Explanation: While it might be tempting to share a lot about yourself right away, it’s better to keep your first message short and to the point. A concise, engaging message is more likely to get a reply than a long, detailed one. Remember, the goal of the first message is to start a conversation, not to tell your life story.
For example, instead of writing a paragraph about why you love hiking, you could say, “Hey, I see you’re into hiking too! What’s your favorite trail?” This message is short, engaging, and invites the other person to share more without overwhelming them with information.
Examples:
- “Hey, I noticed we both love sushi! Do you have a favorite spot?”
- “Hi! I see you’re a big fan of [TV Show]. What do you think of the latest season?”
- “Hello! Your travel photos are amazing—where’s your favorite place you’ve visited?”
Tips and Tricks:
- Be concise: Stick to just a few sentences. You can always share more as the conversation progresses.
- Focus on engagement: Ask a question or make a comment that encourages them to respond.
- Leave room for more: Your first message should be an opener, not a full conversation. Keep them wanting to know more.
Dos and Don’ts:
- Do: Keep your message brief and to the point. This makes it easier for them to reply.
- Don’t: Write long paragraphs in your first message. It can be overwhelming and might deter them from responding.
Versus Approach:
- For Him: Guys often feel like they need to say a lot to make a good impression, but keeping it short can be just as effective. A brief, engaging message is more likely to get a response.
- For Her: Women can use this approach to keep things light and easygoing. A short message shows interest without putting too much pressure on the conversation.
Wrap-Up: Keeping your first message short but engaging is the key to getting a response. It’s all about striking the right balance—enough to show that you’re interested, but not so much that you overwhelm them. Remember, the goal is to start a conversation, not to have it all in the first message.
5. Sign Off with a Positive Note
Hook: Think about the last time someone left you a message. If they ended it on a high note, you probably felt more inclined to reply, right? The same principle applies to online dating—ending your first message with a positive sign-off can make all the difference.
Explanation: The way you end your message is just as important as how you start it. A positive sign-off leaves the conversation open and encourages the other person to respond. It’s a simple way to show that you’re friendly, interested, and looking forward to hearing from them.
For example, you might end your message with something like “Looking forward to chatting more!” or “Hope to hear from you soon!” These phrases are light, friendly, and show that you’re interested without being too pushy.
Examples:
- “Looking forward to hearing more about your hiking adventures!”
- “Hope we can chat more about [shared interest] soon!”
- “Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on [topic]!”
Tips and Tricks:
- Stay positive: A positive sign-off leaves a good impression and encourages a response.
- Be sincere: Your sign-off should match the tone of your message. Keep it genuine and friendly.
- Keep it light: Avoid anything too intense or serious. The goal is to keep the conversation going in a natural way.
Dos and Don’ts:
- Do: End on a positive note. This shows that you’re friendly and approachable.
- Don’t: End with anything too strong or serious. Keep it light and fun.
Versus Approach:
- For Him: Guys might feel like they need to leave a lasting impression, but a simple, positive sign-off is often more effective. It shows that you’re interested without coming on too strong.
- For Her: Women can use this technique to keep the conversation going. A positive sign-off leaves the door open for more chat without putting too much pressure on the other person.
Wrap-Up: Ending your message with a positive note is a great way to leave a lasting impression. It’s a simple, effective way to show that you’re interested and looking forward to chatting more. Plus, it encourages the other person to respond, which is exactly what you want in a first message.
7. Conclusion: Stay Cool and Have Fun
Hook: At the end of the day, online dating should be an enjoyable experience. Your first message is just the beginning, so don’t stress too much about getting it perfect. The most important thing is to have fun and be yourself.
Explanation: The world of online dating can be overwhelming, especially when you’re trying to craft that perfect first message. But the truth is, there’s no magic formula—what works for one person might not work for another. The key is to stay relaxed, be yourself, and enjoy the process.
Your first message is an opportunity to show a bit of your personality and start a conversation with someone new. It’s not about trying to impress or win someone over right away. Instead, focus on being friendly, genuine, and respectful. This will help you connect with the right person and make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
Examples:
- “Hi! I see you’re into [shared interest]. What’s your favorite part about it?”
- “Hey! I noticed you’ve been to [place]. I’ve always wanted to go there—what was it like?”
Tips and Tricks:
- Stay relaxed: Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get the first message perfect. Just be yourself and let the conversation flow naturally.
- Enjoy the process: Online dating is supposed to be fun! Don’t take it too seriously—just enjoy getting to know new people.
- Be patient: It might take a few tries to find someone you click with, and that’s okay. Keep an open mind and enjoy the journey.
Dos and Don’ts:
- Do: Be yourself. Your first message should reflect who you are and what you’re looking for.
- Don’t: Overthink it. The best conversations happen when you’re relaxed and just being yourself.
Versus Approach:
- For Him: Guys often feel like they need to make a big impression right away, but staying cool and having fun is often more effective. Don’t try to be someone you’re not—just enjoy the conversation and see where it goes.
- For Her: Women can use this approach to keep the conversation light and enjoyable. Focus on being yourself and having fun, and the right person will come along.
Wrap-Up: In the end, the most important thing is to have fun and be yourself. Online dating should be an enjoyable experience, so don’t stress too much about getting everything perfect. Just focus on starting a conversation, being friendly and genuine, and enjoying the process.
Wondering how to stand out before you even say hello? Discover how to inject your personality into your online presence. Check out our guide on Using Humor in Your Profile and make sure your first impression hits all the right notes.
