Hello there, my little peppermint-sipping audience! Yes, I’m talking to you, sipping that hot cocoa with extra marshmallows and wearing those fuzzy socks with Santa’s face on them. Let’s not pretend we don’t see each other. I know you’re here for one reason only: to discover some delectable, slightly outrageous ways to heat up your holiday season. And guess what? You’ve come to the right place!
This is your invitation to toss tinsel in the air, jingle those bells with a mischievous twinkle in your eye, and let that eggnog-fueled imagination go wild. Why? Because it’s Christmas, Vice Kink Edition. So buckle up (or strap in – your choice), because we’re about to unwrap a sleigh full of risqué holiday cheer!
Table of Contents
1. The Naughty Santa (or Mrs. Claus) Roleplay
Nothing says “Kinky Christmas” like donning Santa’s hat (and not much else) to surprise your partner.
- Roleplay #1: Tiptoe into the living room decked out in red velvet boots, white faux fur cuffs, and that iconic Santa hat. Maybe you’ve got a small gift bag with some…adult toys. Or perhaps you just brought cookies for after-play snacks (because hey, even a kinky Santa needs a sugar rush.)
- Roleplay #2: For a jolly twist, try reversing roles. If you typically play the sweet Mrs. Claus, swap suits and let your partner be the naughty helper. Add a dash of playful banter about who’s been “naughty or nice.” You can brandish that handy-dandy “Naughty List”
- Roleplay #3: Snag that sexy Santa outfit, pick up a candy cane, and break the line, “Did you really think you wouldn’t get on my naughty list?!…”(I see you rummaging for that pen and paper. Yes, go all method actor on this)
The idea is to channel that unfiltered, irreverent energy. So break out your best sarcastic commentary, be a little flamboyant, and have fun.
2. Candy Cane Body Painting
Speaking of candy canes, have you ever thought about turning your entire bedroom into a living candy shop? Because that’s exactly what you can do with a bit of body paint, some peppermint-flavored lotions, and all the creativity your brain can muster after half a mug of spiked eggnog.
First, set the scene: dim the lights, turn on some playful holiday tunes (Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is basically the unofficial Christmas anthem, but if you need something less mainstream, try searching out a rocking holiday playlist with a more seductive vibe). Then, grab some edible body paint (peppermint is a must) and get painting. The stripes of a candy cane are deceptively simple. If you’re anything like me, you might end up with somewhat wiggly lines, but that’s all part of the fun.
If you’re worried about your painting skills, approach it like Picasso at 2 a.m. after a wild Christmas party. Brush strokes? Perfect form? Eh, you do you, boo. The best part is that if you make a mistake, you can just lick it off and start over.
Don’t forget to snap some pictures (for personal use, or your OnlyFans channel). And if your partner giggles at your design, just remember: laughter is the best aphrodisiac next to, well… everything else in this article.
3. Ornament Foreplay
Let’s talk ornaments. They’re not just for the Christmas tree anymore. (Insert dramatic “oh my!” from your inner silver-screen star here.) Decorate each other with ribbons, bows, maybe some jingle bells. The jingle is half the fun.
Imagine your partner wearing just enough to produce a mischievous ting-a-ling whenever they move. And you can’t deny there’s something magical about that moment when your special someone shakes their bells and you discover an entirely new dimension to “Deck the Halls.”
Now, be careful with glass ornaments. Safety first, folks. Instead, opt for plush or plastic decorations. Alternatively, if you’re feeling super adventurous, you could hang a few unbreakable baubles from… well, let’s just say creative spots. (Yes, I’m giving you that suspicious wink from across the page. You know exactly what I mean, you beautiful perverts.)
Think “Mean Girls” Jingle Bell Rock performance. Except instead of a high school talent show, your stage is your living room. And you definitely won’t be wearing a normal Santa outfit. Or perhaps you’ll be referencing that iconic Avengers scene where Loki tells Thor, “I have an army,” and Thor responds, “We have a Hulk.” Because guess what? You might have an ornament army, but you’ve got the ultimate holiday spirit to see this foreplay through to a smashing success.
4. Christmas Lights Bondage
All right, let’s talk about something that’s a glowing staple of the holiday season: Christmas lights. Now, if your mind is traveling the same route as mine, you’re probably thinking, “Can I use these to tie up my partner in festive style?” (Imagine Eleven from Stranger Things communicating with Christmas lights… except the only message spelled out here is “YES, PLEASE.”)
The short answer is: oh, yes. The long answer is: absolutely, but do it safely.
- Safety Tip #1: Use LED lights, because older incandescent ones can get pretty hot. We don’t want any actual burns (unless that’s what you’re into. This is an all-inclusive zone, after all).
- Safety Tip #2: Keep them unplugged while you’re wrapping your partner. The idea is to plug them in after you’ve positioned everything comfortably and you’re sure no wires are pinching or tangling in the wrong places.
- Safety Tip #3: Communicate. Check in with your partner about any discomfort. Just because we’re in Kinky Town doesn’t mean we throw common sense out the frosty window.
Once you’re both decked out in luminous, twinkling glory, you’ll understand why all those holiday movies focus on the magic of Christmas lights. There’s something hypnotic about seeing your lover tangled in a kaleidoscope of fairy lights. You might even want to queue up your phone for a quick photo session. (But please, watch out for that stray tripod or you might literally trip in the middle of your big moment.)
5. Sensual Stockings Stuffers
We all know the concept of stocking stuffers. You hang a stocking by the fireplace (or across the couch if you’re in a cozy apartment) and fill it with little gifts—candies, trinkets, or maybe some sexy postcards. But how about kicking it up a notch?
- Sensual Massage Oils: Tuck a miniature bottle of warming massage oil into your partner’s stocking. Then, at the stroke of midnight on Christmas Eve (or whenever you’re feeling festive), produce it with grand flair. Let the gentle aroma of cinnamon or gingerbread fill the air as you massage away holiday stress.
- Naughty Coupons: These are a great DIY stocking stuffer. Write out coupons for a sensual back rub, a foot massage, an evening of roleplay, or anything else that tickles your fancy. Don’t forget the “Redeemable Anytime” clause. Like a gift card for pleasure.
- Tasteful (or Untasteful, We Don’t Judge) Lingerie: If you’re daring, roll up some sexy undergarments and slip them into the stocking. The best part: opening it while your partner raises their eyebrows and wonders when they get to see you try it on.
Plus, there’s something delightfully innocent about pulling out these small yet scandalous gifts from a fuzzy stocking with Rudolph or Frosty embroidered on it. It’s like being on the set of a Hallmark Christmas movie, but the after-dark, unrated version no one ever talks about.
6. Under-the-Tree Rendezvous
Let’s talk about the biggest tradition of all: gathering around the Christmas tree. Normally, we’re sipping cocoa, exchanging gifts, and taking pictures for the ‘Gram. But what if we brought a little X-rated twist into this G-rated setting?
Now, I’m not saying you should invite your entire extended family to watch (please, please don’t do that). Instead, sneak away with your partner late at night or early morning, when the rest of the house is asleep (assuming you’re sharing a space.) If you live alone or with just your partner, well, even better.
Remember that scene in “Harry Potter” when they dance at the Yule Ball? Think of it as your own personal Yule Ball. But instead of awkward teenage dancing, it’s grown-up fun times under the tree.
This is the perfect moment for a slow, intimate make-out session that might just escalate into unwrapping more than just presents. If you want to dial up the kink, bring along that Christmas lights bondage idea from earlier, or slip into that sexy Santa costume from item #3. The contrast of tinsel shimmering against bare skin can spark more than just holiday cheer.
Pro Tip #1: Turn off all the lights except for the glowing tree. There’s something magical and borderline cinematic about those soft, colorful bulbs lighting up your faces as you meet under the pine (or plastic) branches.
Pro Tip #2: Just be careful not to knock over any heirloom ornaments when things get frisky. Unless you want a comedic horror show reminiscent of Kevin in “Home Alone,” trying to fix the chaos.
7. Sexy Elf on the Shelf
We’ve all seen the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon. Mostly a cute, mischievous toy perched in new places each morning to delight children. But what if the adult version of that elf concept took a naughty turn? Enter: Sexy Elf on the Shelf.
- How It Works: Dress up as a very adult version of an elf. Think skimpy green clothes, maybe a pointy hat if you’re feeling extra. Sneak around the house and send your partner flirty clues about your location.
- The Reveal: They find you perched on the back of the couch, leaning on the kitchen counter, or maybe in the bedroom closet. The only difference is, instead of a harmless little doll, you’re a consenting adult ready for a playful pounce.
- Spice It Up: The next day, let your partner be the elf. The rule is you must “find” your partner within a certain time limit, and if you don’t, there’s a playful “punishment.” (Use your imagination! Or, you know, rummage through your bag of sex toys for ideas.)
You know how in “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,” each different Spider-Person had their own unique flair and outfit? Well, this is your chance to be an Elf Person, busting through the multiverse of holiday kink to cameo in your partner’s bedroom.
This is basically your grown-up version of hide and seek meets truth or dare, fueled by holiday cheer. It’s cute, it’s edgy, and let’s face it: that elf costume you buy might be the best investment since you realized you could buy 10,000 Amazon reviews. (We know you didn’t do that, but hey, Deadpool would probably break the fourth wall about it, so why not mention it?)
8. The Gingerbread House Challenge (Adult Version)
Traditionally, building gingerbread houses is a wholesome family activity. Little gumdrop roofs, candy cane fences, frosted windows (adorable, but for kids). We’re going to put our very own R-rated twist to it. Let’s reimagine the gingerbread house as a backdrop for sweet, sticky foreplay. (Yes, there will be jokes about licking the icing off more than just the walls.)
Steps to Make It Naughty:
- Build Your House: Use a kit or go from scratch if you’re feeling like the Gordon Ramsay of gingerbread. Then, add extra icing. Lots and lots of it. So you have an ample supply to “taste-test” during your building session.
- Incorporate Adult Elements: Maybe craft little gingerbread figures wearing mini frosting lingerie. Or shape some candy in suggestive ways. The limit is your imagination… and how comfortable you are with food fetish territory.
- Icing Play: Once your house is complete, take that leftover frosting to the bedroom or living room (or kitchen floor). Use it as body paint, or feed each other gumdrops in a seductive manner. Possibly turn it into a game: for every piece of candy your partner successfully licks off you, they get a… reward.
Remember, though, if you’re combining food with intimacy, cleanliness is your friend. Keep towels and wipes handy, because finding a stray gumdrop in your bed three days later might be a home alone moment you’d rather skip.
Channel your inner Great British Bake Off vibe, but with a hearty dose of “50 Shades of Frosting.” Or recall that steamy potter’s wheel scene from Ghost, except you’re shaping gingerbread dough and your partner is behind you, guiding your hands…ooofff.
9. Snowflake Stripping Game
“Baby, it’s cold outside…” Is the perfect excuse to get naked inside. Let’s create a playful game out of it: “Snowflake Stripping.” The concept is simple, and you can tailor the rules to your comfort level.
- Craft or Buy Paper Snowflakes: Remember how we used to fold paper and cut little shapes out to create delicate snowflake patterns? Time to revisit that childhood craft with a deliciously adult twist.
- Write Sexy Tasks: On each snowflake, write a small, steamy instruction. For instance: “Lose one article of clothing,” “One-minute make-out session,” “Use whipped cream on your partner’s belly,” etc.
- Random Draw: Toss all the snowflakes into a festive box or a hat. Take turns drawing one. Whatever it says, you do. No Questions Asked.
- Optional Twist: For the truly adventurous, slip in some more risqué challenges, or let it escalate with each new draw. Just ensure you have a safe word or a clear boundary for what you’re comfortable doing.
It’s part craft project, part strip game, and part intimacy-building exercise—like a triple-threat unstoppable holiday force. The best part? By the end of it, you’ll have your own “snowstorm” of paper cut-outs littered around the room, along with a warm glow from all that body heat.
10. Reindeer Games in the Bedroom
Finally, we reach the big finale. Because no Christmas is complete without acknowledging Rudolph and his eight buddies. Now, I don’t suggest inviting actual reindeer in your bedroom, unless you’re filming some weird holiday kink-off for Animal Planet (hard pass!). Instead, let’s talk about Reindeer Games, code for bringing out your playful side with antlers, harnesses, and maybe some consensual light pet play.
- Prop Choice: Get yourself a cute reindeer headband or harness. Yes, an actual harness that might remind you of what reindeer wear, but it can also double as a mild BDSM accessory. Think straps, buckles, all that jazz.
- The Game: Choose who’s the “reindeer” and who’s the “driver” (Santa). The reindeer might be on all fours, guided gently by the harness, maybe “prancing” around your “North Pole.” Insert comedic wink here.
- Safe Words & Boundaries: As with any kind of roleplay that involves physical restraint, communication is key. Decide on a safe word or signals that let your partner know if you’re pushing limits too far.
This scenario can be as tame or as wild as you want. Maybe you just incorporate the headband for a lighthearted striptease. Or you go full method actor, complete with reindeer bells around your neck.
The important part is to channel that holiday spirit in a way that’s playful, consensual, and, above all, fun. Because if there’s any time to bring a sense of wonder and whimsy to your love life, it’s the Christmas season.
Wrapping It All Up (Pun Definitely Intended)
Well, look at that. Like the Ghost of Christmas Present, we’ve come floating in, showered you with our top 10 of festive kink, and now we’re about to vanish. But before we go, let’s do a quick recap of what you’ve got to keep this Christmas season red-hot (and green, for that matter):
- Naughty Santa or Mrs. Claus Roleplay
Because sometimes you’ve just gotta ask, “Who’s made it to the naughty list?” - Candy Cane Body Painting
Sweet, sticky, and so much fun to lick off. - Ornament Foreplay
Tinsel and jingle bells in very creative places. - Christmas Lights Bondage
They’re not just for your tree anymore. Just practice safe glowing! - Sensual Stocking Stuffers
Little trinkets of delight to surprise your partner. - Under-the-Tree Rendezvous
Turn that wholesome tree-lighting tradition into a midnight adventure. - Sexy Elf on the Shelf
Hide and seek just got a cheeky makeover. - The Gingerbread House Challenge (Adult Version)
Who knew frosting could be so seductive? - Snowflake Stripping Game
Craft meets striptease meets holiday fun. - Reindeer Games in the Bedroom
Harnesses, antlers, and a dash of playful roleplay to dash through the snow.
If you made it through this entire article without giggling, raising your eyebrows, or whispering “Yes, please” under your breath, then I might be losing my touch. But if you’re now brimming with ideas, if your cheeks are flush from excitement (or from reading something so delightfully risqué), then my job here is done. Now, go forth and make this Christmas a holly jolly (and kinky) one you’ll reminisce about for years to come.
Just remember to blow a cheeky kiss to the man in red (no, not Deadpool, though he’s welcome, too) because Santa might need a new entry for that “Naughty List.”
And with that, my dear holiday deviant, I’ll sign off, leaving you to frolic under that mistletoe with newfound confidence. May your days be merry, bright, and decidedly more spicy than they were before. Merry Kinky Christmas, you filthy animals… and a Happy New Year, too!
